Monday 18 March 2002 // 1548 EST

Seeing: gloomy skies and rain

Hearing: Soulstice -- Lovely

Touching: Eyedrops

Tasting: Honey Nut Cheerio cereal bars

Thinking:

I got so much sleep last night, but to tell you the absolute truth, being at work and whatnot is so draining. To be perfectly honest, I got tired all of a sudden sitting here and talking to these people about their computer problems that I could probably fix in ten seconds if I were actually sitting with them, but being on the phone and leading them through it themselves takes twice as long and is three times as draining....ah well. I have two exams tomorrow and an exam on Thursday, Physics, Human Sexuality, and Philosophy of Science respectively, and I'm not particularly thrilled about any of them, cept maybe Human Sexuality, which will probably be pretty easy. Today was a Physics day, studying last night and this morning, and then doing the review session in class and the office hours, and now I'm here at werk trying to chill out a little bit and relax before I know I have to waste a couple of hours, go to another really short meeting, and then be done for the day...go home and study for my exams tomorrow some. God, I wasted so much time this weekend doing silly shit that it's not even funny, but at least it was silly and most of it was fun.

I was so exhausted on Thursday night that I got home and crashed and slept right through my radio show on Friday and when I would stop by Dave's for DJ practice, and that was a pain in the butt, I would have rather not missed either one of those, but eh, consider it a vacation. I've been really busy otherwise. Aside from trying to take care of all of that stuff, I've been re-organizing myself so all of my priorities are in a neat little row-academic stuff, business/work stuff, EDMC stuff, the works. And all in all it's a pain in the butt, but I know I have to get it all done. God help me. Spring break is gonna own, if only for the reason that I get to chill out and sleep, and maybe do a little road tripping, depending on whether or not my boy James can hook us up with a rent-a-car, that way we can troupe around the area and see the sights. Whatever, I just need to get out of the house. Then I have to pack, since I'll be moving into the house with Phil and Ilya and Camille and Lauren pretty quickly afterwards, and then moving again into the place with Rob and whatnot, then the parents moving away themselves...ah well. All that is stress in itself, and that's not even my personal life...I think that once these exams are finished I'll be a little happier with things. That and a little sleep, I think. I managed to get to class early this morning, but then again I was up a bit early...I had my alarm set to get me up at 830AM for a 10AM class, and it took me something along the lines of 35 minutes to get from columbia to college park with the traffic. Thank goodness for the traffic camera online-man I love that thing. I'll link off to it later.

In the meantime, I've managed to save enough money for half of my turntables, and that makes me really happy, I think I've been over this before, but the point here is not so much that I have money, but that I told myself that I'd save the money, that I wouldn't stop by the grocery store, that I wouldn't spend too much money on things I didn't need, I wouldn't eat fast food, all of those things, and I stuck to it! I didn't deviate, I haven't had fast food that I've paid for in forever, I've managed to save over 500 dollars in a month, which is pretty damn impressive for me, even with the tax refunds included. The way things are going, I'll manage to have my tables and my credit card paid off in no time. It'll be awesome. I keep having to look forward to more pleasent and happy things, because I feel so displaced and out of it here and now....ugh.

Personally, I've been kind of unsatisfied with a few things, areas of my personal life that I think would be a ton better if I went to the damn doctor, talked up my issues with them(mainly being my allergies and how the hell I get rid of them), things settle down for me in the stress department, and I talk out a few other things on my mind, and maybe I'll feel a bit better. There are things on my mind that apparently noone wants to hear, and then there are people I want to talk to that I haven't had the guts to call up yet, while other people I don't want to talk to bother me on a daily basis. I just want to rest, not sleep because I have to, not sleep because I need to get some rest, just...rest. Spring break will be some of that, hopefully. Only a week left. The exams I'm not too worried about. All I need is a C in physics and D's in everything else and I get the hell out of this school...even though we all know my grades will be a lot better than that. I guess Senioritis is hitting me pretty hard. Only a few months left...

God, someone cheer me up. It's just been so god damned depressing. Aside from the people I want to talk to the most about some of my issues not wanting to talk about them, or it being so futile in the first place that it's not worth talking about, or me just wishing things were different right now. I suppose it's always got to be that way, I mean other things are amazing and going so well I can't possibly describe, so it's a dichotomy. That's probably why I'm just going to curl up in bed and leave it alone, hope that things get better and other things don't get worse.

At least I can just take all of these exams and not get the scores back until after the break. Aside from that, I want to burn some cds, drive around, see some things I've never seen before, curl up in a big bed and go to sleep and be happy and warm, and there are a few other things on my little list of "stuff that makes me happy and that I ought to do." it's kind of wierd, I'm feeling kind of shattered, disoriented, displaced...antisocial and annoyed at little things, but discontent and generally unahappy at the same time...maybe it's been the fluctuation in the weather, maybe it's been something else...I mean, that's not to say that I haven't been happy at points, but all in all, I just haven't been up for much. Right now I can't think of anything better than to go home and go to sleep....when I'm like this, I don't like being roped into anything, I don't like being intimidated, I don't like being nagged, in some cases I don't even like being spoken to...I don't know.

::sigh:: I just don't know. Maybe my mood will get better when the sun comes out.